A Notch of Self Esteem

How many people have you talked to believe that children these days are spoiled? I would venture to say that you have had that conversation at least once. I was curious today, so I went to the dictionary to find the definition of "spoiled," and I found the following: "having the character or disposition harmed by pampering or oversolicitous attention." We all have our own definition of being spoiled, but, in general I think we all believe that spoiling a child with love is good, and spoiling a child by allowing them to be lazy is bad.

There is one thing that I did not have when my son was younger. This was a scheduled time for helping his family. To help him feel like he really was contributing something to everyone, I think, would have really boosted his self-esteem and likely would make him feel more pride in his work. Think of this: you take time each week to work on your garden. You work very hard, kneeling over, planting flowers, pruning, and watering. At the end of the week, you drive up to your home with your husband and he smiles and says, "you did a great job with that garden." How do you feel? Likely, your self-esteem just went up one notch. You know you worked hard and it shows to everyone in your neighborhood. The neighbors know you have pride in your home and it reflects on how they treat you.

Now, try to think of something your child has accomplished that could provide the same feeling for him. Of course, painting a picture for you will make him smile and give him a notch of self-esteem when you smile and tell him how beautiful it is. This is one notch. Would you like him to have more notches? At the end of the week, how many notches has your child earned for himself? As a parent, you want to show him how to obtain that great feeling of accomplishment and pride.

Contributing to the family household can be very rewarding for your child. He/she can gain many notches of self-esteem by doing things on their own. But, it isn't just about the notches. It is about learning how to take care of themselves, it is about becoming independent. When your child turns 16 years old, you likely have expectation that they contribute to household chores, and you will also want them to be building their future by doing well in school. If, from the beginning of their childhood, they have learned how to schedule in chores and time to take care of themselves, not just play and have fun, they will know the feeling of accomplishment, and they will likely want to keep this positive feeling coming back time and again. If the teenager has been scheduling time for chores and homework from the beginning, it is very likely they will continue on scheduling time for work and chores without complaint through their teen years and beyond.

It is important to work with your children to find the ways to gain notches every single day. They should learn the wonderful feeling of pride and belonging to something bigger than themselves. Try making a chart and following it every single week. Schedule the time for chores and for self-improvement. In the end, it will be worth your time and theirs.